That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
