I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
