ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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