who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
