I didn't shave. On purpose
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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