we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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