quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
