That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
