Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
