I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
