Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
