Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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