I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
