Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
