Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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