Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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