Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
