Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
