Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
