Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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