I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
