So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
