Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
