I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
