I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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