My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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