You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
