when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
