Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
