I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I currently don't understand fingers.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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