i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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