CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
