I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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