She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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