WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
