I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
