I'm jealous of your bromance
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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