Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
