Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
