he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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