I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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