Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
