the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
