Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
