If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
