Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
