I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've blown a few things in my day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
