You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
