I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
