On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
