she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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